Ich habe eine träume. Mein Traum ist, alle Leute mit wie Gemüter zu vereinen. It makes perfect sense I believe. I noticed a creature tonite that totally made time cease for a moment. What an odd creature to make me of all people pay attention to them. It isn’t that I do not pay attention to others but rarely do I focus on them, this one demanded focus. I was then suppose to pay attention to something else for a long period of time and all I could do is ponder what it was that made me focus on this being. Finally, as the end of the period of time I was suppose to be paying attention to something else was drawing near, I think I figured it out. The being was focused on me. Not only was it focused on me but was simultaneously absorbing the environment around it. AMAZING! The only way to come close to describing it is like seeing something beautiful, rare and you are right there to witness it. This anomaly, for lack of better word, is right in front of me on a daily basis. One is myself and another is a close friend. Both of which I have acclimated to the aw and breath takingness of it and just look at it like it is a constant. Once I came to the realization I was looking at another I wanted so badly to converse with it. But alas, that moment in time had passed. Many many moments prior. If I pray to Odin hard enough and double my sacrifices to the aliens then I may be blessed with another opportunity in the future to interact with this being. Returning to my original statement…..Most people look at people with similar minds and say things like “psychotic, neurotic, bent, twisted, deranged, not right, abnormal and deviants.” There are varying degrees to which this label is placed on someone solely based on their outward appearance and behaviors. So one may be having a day when they are being more true to themselves than what they usually allow and someone may say something like “Oh, so and so is out of sorts today.” When it couldn’t be further from the truth. You never hear someone say “Oh, John is really exposing his true thoughts and feelings to the world around him, isn’t that nice.” So here come the stigmas. Well I say fuck the stigmas and the people who make them common practice. Ok, I guess I am not going to finish this. Maybe tomorrow I will try to make it a point to work on my follow through.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

lubraius

With complete disregard to the powers that be I feel tinker toys control the preemptive uninterrupted central limit theorem there is no freewill there is no free thought there is no free anything there is however obedience to the norm moving ever-changing from point to point not unlike large masses of ice floating upon the water receptacles forcing the inhabitants to migrate from their original status to one of mass confusion and anarchy taking control from the tinker toys played with by children with the will of the masses in their tiny little hands folded ever-so-vigilantly awaiting commands from the other powers in return giving said power to the mind control over retention short term as it may be for us to recognize for only a briefest of seconds then vanishing again in the mist of spray emanating from the mouths of hypocrites telling us what we are suppose to hear the flowers sway in the summers breeze tapping the keg of life drinking euphoria until we are blinded by our own stupidity owns the power to tell us why it is to be that way up in the hills one can find calmness tranquility with freedom over ones own mind not unlike that of children and tinker toys.

If it were not for the German speech I have to give tomorrow I would be more gleeful. Or maybe it is nothing more than the endless drama that deprives me from shaving my skull. I would opt for rusty dull razors, at least I could get it done. I would like to drink water that isn’t contaminated with petrol and pesticides from the reclaiming facility at the norht end of my property. A meal would be more exciting if I didn’t shit myself and/or vomit almost every time I ate. Lunch today stayed in without any issue. Yeah lunch!! Although the expedition to the shitter at times can be an exciting adventure all onto itself. Having a 3 year old superhero that can pick up the couch can be quite entertaining. Or a 10 year old that lays around in his underwear clipping his toenails on the couch, looking more like some 40-ish drunken pedophile, than a little boy makes one wonder “did I help in the genetic structure and development of that creature?” The seventeen year old that perpetuates the delusion that he has to sneak out of the house to have sex with his girlfriend or to be a deviant defies all logic to me. When I was his age my mother would ask “what are you doing this weekend?” I clearly remember telling her once I was going to spend my entire weekend doing coke and engaging in other fun, illegal activities. I was always under the impression that I was such a deviant because my parents not only let me engage in any activity I wanted to without opposition, but at times, encouraged it. I thought that if I was more strict with my children and sheltered them from the unfavorable of life, they would turn out better than I had. Hmm.. I think I was incorrect. Although I have two that didn’t loose their virginity prior to the age of thirteen, I wonder if that was a blessing or a curse. Retards. We have this icecream in the freezer that is the devil incarnate and I will refuse the summoning to its lair of death and punishment. Then again there is a bathroom close by. The other two….I do not know. Love. Love is more than just a way of thinking or a word that is used. Maybe I will just let the younger two know I love them, show them how to live instead of trying to “raise” them like chickens and let it be. I am the model parent on how to live, what a great idea. I had a wonderful idea of turning my house into a indoor shooting range today. I do not think that idea is going to fly though. There is one for the hip pocket and may try my luck when the weather warms up.  Computers bring me joy and sorrow simultaneously what a grand device if it were not for the ease of abuse. Just think about how many hours per day you log onto your machine and are mindlessly entertained. You can read blogs about people you may or may not know, play flash games, build a huge network of “friends” that you do not know and probably will never meet (unless you fall in love with some fucking knucklehead from New York and support his fucking ass), you can have a pet, and have all of your personal information stolen from you while you engage in these productive activities. Ingenious. Yes, I am just as if not more guilty than the next guy from wasting my life on the internet but this is still something that baffles me. I have two out buildings on my property but I have had a bmx bicycle in my living room for a few weeks now. I have been meaning to bitch about this fact until today when I was reminded (odoriferously) that I have chickens in my kitchen. What person in their right fucking mind has chickens in their kitchen? I do I suppose. So I have decided that I really am starting to enjoy the bicycle since it doesn’t stink. Yeah bicycle!! Their is a self-fulfilling prophecy that women cannot work on vehicles. THIS IS A LIE!! Women are not vehically retarded. Please, when you see a woman, tell her not to be affraid of cars. If I ever hear a woman on the phone crying because her car wont start and she has been trying to get it to start for 30 minutes prior to the phone call and all that was needed was the steering wheel turned because it had locked when she turned the wheels when the car was off, I will have no other choice but to beat them with a hammer.  A nice big ball peen hammer. Well, maybe more like one of those inflatable hammers you win at the fair. Cause hitting chicks with hammers just ain’t all that much fun.

“I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker”

While coloring eggs this easter-eve I announced that I had lost a nut while getting off of my computer chair. Bitching, hobbling and holding my sack, my 3 year old went to go look for it for me and my 10 year old told me I could have one of his since he wasn’t using both of them. If that isn’t true love for a parent I don’t know what is.

Now I must leave because they are driving me nuts (no pun intended) and if I don’t I will cook them and they will be breakfast.

I love to drive. There are many feelings that come along with driving. They range from calmness and tranquility, rage, frustration, confusion, happiness, definitely relaxation and quietness. I traveled 3 counties this evening. They are Ashland, Medina and Wayne. The interesting part was I was able to do a large amount of this traveling on one highway. I deviated from the path many different times but always seemed to return to the same stretch of road. The bottle neck of the highway is not only alluring but leaves a urning, for lack of better words, to return to it. To explore it further, to see where it goes. To experience something new, unique or beautiful. There are down sides to constant driving though. I do not always get to accomplish all of the things I would like to do. Let’s take laundry folding for example. I would love to have folded laundry this evening but alas, time constraints limited that activity. I suppose if my time management skills were better or I would think things through a little more thoroughly, I would be more productive.

I thought I lost the viking mobile yesterday but it hasn’t given up yet. Although I did notice a reduction in power since I broke a belt on it last night while perusing through the country side aimlessly. I did notice tonight though it was hungry. For cats of all things. We argued over the first meal it wanted to devourer and I won that debate, but barely. Then when we were almost home it saw the opprotunity to take advantage of the fact I wasn’t paying attention and snatched that fuzzy little feline right off the road. Sorry kitty but my car was obviously hungry and you were the consumable of choice. At least it didn’t want deer steaks tonight. Now that the car has satisfied its cessation for fuzzy little animals, and I am content with the mileage I racked up tonite, we are both at home resting.

If I were to consider a piece of furniture today I think it would be a lazyboy. If one were to contemplate the versatility of the lazyboy, they may be more willing to show respect to it. Let’s consider the multi-faceted life of this kind of ass holder. First off it is a comfortable chair (well most, not all), If you sit in a lazyboy you do not expect a hard wooden surface pressing against your ass muscles, instead as you descend towards the seat you wait in anticipation of the contour of the overstuffed cushion cradling your bum. Most lazyboys rock which in its own right can make it a enjoyable experience, there doesn’t even need to be 6″ of foam suspending you in a perfect position. The rocking motion can calm, relax and even make one feel secure and safe. There are a great many people from the age of infancy to death that find this simple motion comforting and fall into restful slumber. You can recline if rocking isn’t your thing or if you do not want other people to watch you drool and laugh at you while you sleep. There is also that wonderful foot prop thingy, with a handle that children love to play with every time they are anywhere there is a lazyboy with a foot prop thingy. Food storage device and catcher. Talk about multipurpose, it doesn’t get too much better than that. NOTE: If you use this feature you can also start a great little ant farm. If you do end up dozing off and you have a cookie in your hand, do not fret, that chair will indeed collect the cookie you have not finished and it will hold it for you until the time you are starving and remember you had a cookie in your hand 3 weeks prior when you fell asleep in the chair (unless you opted for the ant farm feature). Alas the lazyboy saved the day, and possibly your life. They (the Lazyboy company) recognized this special ability of the MPC (multipurposechair) and then figured that other foods, like cheese and roast beef are not as easily delivered through the small space between the cushion and the arm rest supports. So they developed a hidden “pouch” on the exterior of the chair. Brilliant!! Sex, yes sex, the lazyboy has the ability to enhance the sex life of couples that are seeking a little more adventure without going to Thailand to buy small farm animals and children without the neighbors talking or charges being pressed against you. Please note: if you use a lazyboy as a sexual device you are definitely still very vanilla but you may be a different flavor of vanilla. Or maybe vanilla with whipped cream. OHHH!!!Most of the lazyboys have scotchguard so go ahead and bust out the whipped cream. I am sure there are a multitude of other and more creative things to do with a lazyboy but my ass has gone to sleep since I am sitting on the floor typing this.

I have a facebook account that a person I attended school with sent me a link to an application called saveanalien. What a wonderful idea!!! You can adopt a pet alien that may come close to fitting your personality. One can play with this alien, throw this alien in the air, scratch it, rub it and for the sadists out there YOU can smack your alien. No one that I invited to use the application has accepted. I should retract that statement. One person did then he deleted it because he felt it was beneath him to save an alien from utter doom and destruction of its home planet. Well…..I never!! How dare you put yourself out there and say “yes I will save your life little alien.” Only to turn around and throw it back to the pits of hell. Back to face death, agony and suffering. What kind of a person wouldn’t want an alien that you can smack around when the situation fits.

WHAT THE HELL? WHAT THE HELL?

As this day progresses I have mixed feelings about my life as a whole. I did not achieve my goal for the day but I also think being intoxicated is not the most worthwhile of goals. I did get a nap in though and some food that wasn’t prepared by taco bell. Then there was the scalding hot tea bath a short while ago that not only peeled my screaming flesh from my body, but also removed some of the debris that has been leeching onto me. Those things brought with them some form of clarity. The clarity of being an asshole is not necessarily the most sought after clarity but it helps when one is trying to pass through this existence with the most amount of joy and the least amount of pain. A vast majority of this pain I have brought onto myself. I have indeed been a asshole of late. I have used people, tested people, ignored people and have drawn many incorrect conclusions. This is all wrong in my opinion. The reason it is wrong is not because I believe we should all be kind and gentle towards one another. It is wrong because I have done all of these things to people that: care, trust, love and admire me. I think I have a new goal.

An old friend of mine called me this evening. I envy this friend because he has absolutely no worries. Well maybe a few. They are things like he has to pump his foot in order to make water come out of his sink and he has no hot water where he lives. He resides on a sail boat and it is presently docked in the keys where he waits for the winds to shift so he can begin sailing to the Bahamas where he will spend the next 5-9 weeks sailing to uninhabited islands. This is his life, worry free as far as I am concerned. There was a point to this but I have forgotten it so we will meander somewhere else.

The rest of this I deleted. I believe I said I would do this.

If it were not for pages like http://adrr.com/lingua/alien.htm how would the human race ever be able to speak to extra terrestrials? Please carry 18 specific coins, totalling(sp?) $3.27. Now see if I had not read that I may have made the mistake of carrying $6.47, then what would have happened? Would the aliens have probed me harder than what they normally do? Would I not be probed properly? Maybe that is why the probing is so painful…I carry with me the wrong amount of “american” currency while I slumber. AHA, no more Euros and Yen in my pajama pockets. I could go on and on about this ever so wonderful site and the vast amount of knowledge I have gained with respect of speaking to aliens the next time I encounter them. I will no longer stand in awe of the magnificent being that is in front of me. Instead I will use my 6′ of string I carry with me to make a cat’s cradle and use my flashlight to attempt to be the prober rather than the probee. Although I now know that ET’s may be producing subsonics and that may be the reason they do not listen to my cries of pain and my begging for release during their exploration of my sphincter. I am now going to add to my alien interaction kit a elephant translation device so I may be able to tell them to stay out of my ass because I do not appreciate it.

Please alien creatures…Please learn English so that I do not have to obtain such a vast amount of earthly materials in order for you to understand me. “I am a simple man, so I sing a simple song, never been so much in love, and never hurt so bad at the same time.” Even Graham Nash knows what it is like to be probed. And see if you had ever heard this song, you may have thought it is about a woman. Nope. Aliens. Go now, find this song and listen to it. You may never listen to it in the same light again.

Now if someone would produce a rock interaction web site, to tell me how I can properly communicate with them, I would carry on in a blissful state of being. If all else fails, I could always use my rock companions as weapons, I mean communications devices, to let the aliens know my true thoughts and feelings.