Fun things to do in the middle of the night.

Um yeah. So I was getting ready to crash this evening when my daughter comes into the bathroom balling, holding her stomach and telling em she hurts. Hmm. Ok. Wanna sleep in my bed? No, it hurts. So there is this song and dance about what hurts and what we are to do about it. She pisses, I try to bribe her with milk and cookies. Nope, stomach hurts. Damn. Fuck that I am going to bed. She is in bed, crying constantly, wife gets in bed. Mumkin then states ” I want to go to the doctors.” Well we have already listened to this for almost an hour, so what the hell. I bagged up the mumkin and off we went. Mumkin decides that about 5 minutes before we get to the hospital she can stop crying to discuss the relative distance to the moon from the planet earth…..I was had I knew it. We got to the hospital, was admitted, then into the death room. I almost objected but thought it to be intriguing. So we sat and talked about the wall paper border and the fact that O2 is green, air is yellow and the ventilator is white. The doc came in, looked her over, asked the routine questions then said “I think we should have a urine sample because I believe she may have a bladder infection.” Now, I may be a little unstable from most peoples point of view, but I am not a fucking retard. I gave you absolutely no information that this child is suffering from a bladder infection. There was no more crying or complaining whilst she pissed than 4 minutes prior or 10 minutes after. She has no fever, no pain in the sides or back. Um no she doesnt, I believe with the information I have presented that she is constipated. So we begin this verbal debate as to whether or not cath my kid. I had to have this done to her when she was one. I swore then I would never make that decision for her again. After about a 6 minute debate the doctor was not backing down, she truly believed this child needed to have a catheter put in her. I hung my head, waited, I waited for someone to save me. I wanted my phone to ring, I wanted a friend or even my wife to walk in and say “no, matthew is right.” or even “no matthew is wrong” anything. As I sat there, head hung, there was silence, almost complete silence, then I heard it. It was like alfridio talnar roo. Well, kinda like that but it made sense, I smiled. I looked up at the steadfast female doctor with the same smile and said “ok.” She, looking a little bewildered asked me to confirm what I said. I said “do you think she needs a catheter?” She replied “yes.” I asked if she thought it had potential to be life threatening? She replied “yes.” I said “You are a doctor to help save peoples lives?” “yes.” I said ok. She smiled, then I said “as long as you get one too, right beside her, while she is getting hers.” This statement didn’t sit too awfully well with the doctor. Another verbal debate ensued. This one was a little less politically correct in its nature and it did appear that the doctor could present no viable reasoning as to why she didn’t need one and my daughter did. So, we compromised on a x-ray. . . . 30 minutes later I was told my daughter was severely constipated, I was given a glycerin sepository and sent on our merry way. On the way home we discussed clouds and how they followed us all the way home. What a grand adventure we had. If I knew I was going to have his much fun I would not have stayed out till 10:30 before arriving home. We could have started this much earlier and then I wouldn’t be sitting here typing at 3:15 in the morning.