I am warm, I am warm, I am warm

If it were not for the German speech I have to give tomorrow I would be more gleeful. Or maybe it is nothing more than the endless drama that deprives me from shaving my skull. I would opt for rusty dull razors, at least I could get it done. I would like to drink water that isn’t contaminated with petrol and pesticides from the reclaiming facility at the norht end of my property. A meal would be more exciting if I didn’t shit myself and/or vomit almost every time I ate. Lunch today stayed in without any issue. Yeah lunch!! Although the expedition to the shitter at times can be an exciting adventure all onto itself. Having a 3 year old superhero that can pick up the couch can be quite entertaining. Or a 10 year old that lays around in his underwear clipping his toenails on the couch, looking more like some 40-ish drunken pedophile, than a little boy makes one wonder “did I help in the genetic structure and development of that creature?” The seventeen year old that perpetuates the delusion that he has to sneak out of the house to have sex with his girlfriend or to be a deviant defies all logic to me. When I was his age my mother would ask “what are you doing this weekend?” I clearly remember telling her once I was going to spend my entire weekend doing coke and engaging in other fun, illegal activities. I was always under the impression that I was such a deviant because my parents not only let me engage in any activity I wanted to without opposition, but at times, encouraged it. I thought that if I was more strict with my children and sheltered them from the unfavorable of life, they would turn out better than I had. Hmm.. I think I was incorrect. Although I have two that didn’t loose their virginity prior to the age of thirteen, I wonder if that was a blessing or a curse. Retards. We have this icecream in the freezer that is the devil incarnate and I will refuse the summoning to its lair of death and punishment. Then again there is a bathroom close by. The other two….I do not know. Love. Love is more than just a way of thinking or a word that is used. Maybe I will just let the younger two know I love them, show them how to live instead of trying to “raise” them like chickens and let it be. I am the model parent on how to live, what a great idea. I had a wonderful idea of turning my house into a indoor shooting range today. I do not think that idea is going to fly though. There is one for the hip pocket and may try my luck when the weather warms up.  Computers bring me joy and sorrow simultaneously what a grand device if it were not for the ease of abuse. Just think about how many hours per day you log onto your machine and are mindlessly entertained. You can read blogs about people you may or may not know, play flash games, build a huge network of “friends” that you do not know and probably will never meet (unless you fall in love with some fucking knucklehead from New York and support his fucking ass), you can have a pet, and have all of your personal information stolen from you while you engage in these productive activities. Ingenious. Yes, I am just as if not more guilty than the next guy from wasting my life on the internet but this is still something that baffles me. I have two out buildings on my property but I have had a bmx bicycle in my living room for a few weeks now. I have been meaning to bitch about this fact until today when I was reminded (odoriferously) that I have chickens in my kitchen. What person in their right fucking mind has chickens in their kitchen? I do I suppose. So I have decided that I really am starting to enjoy the bicycle since it doesn’t stink. Yeah bicycle!! Their is a self-fulfilling prophecy that women cannot work on vehicles. THIS IS A LIE!! Women are not vehically retarded. Please, when you see a woman, tell her not to be affraid of cars. If I ever hear a woman on the phone crying because her car wont start and she has been trying to get it to start for 30 minutes prior to the phone call and all that was needed was the steering wheel turned because it had locked when she turned the wheels when the car was off, I will have no other choice but to beat them with a hammer.  A nice big ball peen hammer. Well, maybe more like one of those inflatable hammers you win at the fair. Cause hitting chicks with hammers just ain’t all that much fun.

“I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker”