There was a time when I was the center of someone’s world. I took advantage of that, I assumed it was a given that would always be there for me. I recognized recently that I wasn’t even in the same solar system anymore. I can speculate some of the things that I did wrong to maje it this way but at the same time I also question what I had no control over. The other person. I get pummeled with me being the culprit here, when in actuality what is no longer there is due to a 50/50 split. I have spent years blaming myself for everything when I recognized tonight that I didn’t leave this evening to get someone else’s attention. I was at home, bathing children, cleaning the house, fixing airbrushes and so on an dso forth. When I did want to leave today, I didnt bother asking if anyone else wanted it go, I simply stated we are all going here and we are going now. We went, happy, fun filled, well I thoght anyways. Guess everyone would have neen better off if I had just taken the children. I can totally complain though, I can say we had 3 really great days, there was no fighting, no battling, there was smiling, there was peace and tranquility. Then again there was vicodin and demeral. LOL,. Todd told me that the cause of all of my aliments was due to stress. All of them. I chuckled at this when he said it because he was being serious. Now that I had 3 almost stress free days and now that things have come back to baseline, I am sad because I know he is right. There were drastic changes in me within those 3 days. One is noticeably back to normal now that i t is 1:30 in the morning and I am writting in this fucking blog. 44444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444 then there were the 4′s.

Everyone have a great day!